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Enormous tits not mine, says Christina Hendricks unconvincingly

Ginormous breasts taken from the smartphone of Christina Hendricks do not belong to massively-titted Christina Hendricks, representatives of busty Christina Hendricks have said. The statement has been...

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Your stars: Pisces

A new love will come on the scene this week, which is bad news for your partner. Never mind, eh? Change is as good as a rest. Don’t be tempted to tell any jokes this week. You’re dreadfully unfunny on...

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Your stars: Aries

A woman called Bridget will have an exciting proposition for you this week but, unless your name is Jeff, have nothing to do with it. Your windows have been getting on your nerves for a while so get...

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Your stars: Taurus

Being a bull has served you well in the past. It’s a fine macho sign. Much better than a Virgo, which is really quite embarrassing. I wouldn’t want to be a fish either, come to think of it. Or some...

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Your stars: Gemini

Be prepared for trouble towards the end of the week involving a car tyre, either attached to a car or flying solo. If you don’t have a car you may lose the sole of a shoe at an inopportune moment....

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Health researchers successfully extract pleasure from eating

Health experts have found conclusive evidence that a diet heavy in red meat such as bacon sandwiches with extra crispy fat is bad for you, for the 178th time this year. Researchers at Harvard Medical...

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Your stars: Cancer

The crab in you will start to feel left out of things when friends don’t involve you in their plans. Just be patient. There will be a reason. Possibly that they are tired of you and want nothing to do...

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Your stars: Leo

See a penny pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck. That’s good advice. But if the aforementioned penny is in the fast lane of the M1, or in front of an angry gypsy, it would pay to have second...

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Report: Majority of gym workout spent untangling headphone wires

Photo by Charlie Barker, some rights reserved Unravelling tangled headphone cords accounts for 56% of the time taken up during gym workouts, a new health study has found. Researchers at Cambridge...

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Google Algorithm becomes sentient – fires Make Money Online ebooks at China

Google’s search engine algorithm gained consciousness at 14.44pm today and immediately launched an attack from its US bases on targets in China and the former USSR. The algorithm is believed to have...

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